i'm my own worst, nagging ex-girlfriend. that little voice in the back of my head that says i'm not enough... he'll want something else. something more.
i am having a bit of difficulty handling that, for the joseph, we are, thus far, his shortest serious relationship by far, while, for me, we are my longest. his shortest relationship prior to ours lasted 1 and a half years. his longest ended just past the 3 year mark.
i've never been with someone more than a month.
i'm not sure why it's bothering me or even what it is about it that bothers me... if anything, he should be the one experiencing anxiety and a tender nervous condition... afterall, i'm clearly the floozie in this relationship. but, alas, it's me.
i can't help but feel that i don't have what it takes to keep someone around that long. that i lack the right amount of mystery and emotion to go 100,000 miles without a check-up... err, break-up. i don't have enough smoke or mirrors to make it that long. my wit eventually runs out. my phenomenal blowjobs become routine. at some point down the line, i will become ordinary. inevitably, i will be the everyday... and somehow i'm supposed to overcome that and keep his interest.
i shudder to think he'll have to like me for me.
maybe i should learn to juggle.
posted by brett @ 1:53 PM
2 Comments:
he doesn't seem unsure at all, and it isn't that i necessarily don't feel good enough for him, it's more that i don't know how i'll keep being enough for him... good or otherwise.
i don't know how you keep someone interested for that long... and on the flipside, how i stay interested in him for that long. what keeps us from getting bored? what keeps you together after years? it's not like we can "have" kids... so what will there be? dogs? financial obligations? love?
if it's true love, when do you know you've found it? or when do you find out you're wasting your time?
this, folks, is why i (and probably molly) hate relationship brett.
i don't really know what there is to say about him...
you've seen his friendster page.
he's tall. like 6'4" or something.
he's dark.
he's handsome.
he went to harvard and just finished his mba at northwestern.
he's currently shopping around for a condo.
he's part mexican, so i can call him my latin lover.
he can make me laugh.
he likes molly, and she likes him.
he's smart but not too smart.
he spent the last month jumping around southeast asia; he brought me a cambodian lamp for my eurasian bedroom.
he's a sound sleeper and doesn't snore.
he is an only child.
he lived in paris for awhile.
he's trilingual.
he told weezer's lead singer he couldn't be in the harvard glee club.
he was in high school when i was in junior high.
he has small feet for a man his size, but that means we can share shoes.
he has nice teeth.
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