i sat on the quad for nearly 4 hours. it was glorious. people were so happy, and that makes me smile. i'm going back tomorrow. this time i'll be armed with a big, red blanket.
there was a lovely couple near me; they were sitting under a tree. she sat indian-style (is that p.c.?) and he lied out beside her, his head resting on her thigh. their hands were locked without interruption. i see couples all the time, but there was something intangible about this couple. they had a tingle. i could tell they were totally in it. maybe they weren't soulmates, maybe they weren't meant for each other, but they had an innocent joy for each other that radiated. it was intoxicating and made the spring feel a bit cooler, a bit quieter.
i wasn't the only one who noticed them; i was with friends, and one made note of the couple outloud. she said, "i want that."
i said, "we all want that."
from there, we went on to discuss love, companionship, and romance. the main question of debate: why do strange people find another when normal people cannot? the question was raised when an infamously odd boy walked by with his girlfriend. they didn't have the tingle, but they had each other. we couldn't help but wonder how it was possible for him to find someone when we'd been struggling for ages, and in my case, years. we insisted that she must be odd, too. case closed.
regardless, the whole dialogue got me thinking. why is it so hard for us, and specifically me (i know that sounds selfish), to find someone? i boiled it down to fate or cowardice. i had built a list of possible reasons, and these were the only two for which i couldn't provide counterarguments.
1. we don't put ourselves out there. (my counterargument: incredibly not true. i do put myself out there. i'm on every singles website known to mankind. i may even build my own just to have a new opportunity. i advertise my willingness and openness to dating. i incessantly remind friends, without looking desperate, that i am single. i am out there.)
2. we don't meet new people. (my counterargument: i am always meeting new people. for real, no joke, literally constantly. i'm a new person junkie. debating who to remove from my buddy list to accommodate a newbie is an incessant battle.)
3. our area is not conducive to finding someone. (my counterargument: i live in a college town with roughly 50,000 people within my age group. if i'm constantly meeting new people, then surely this area must have someone suitable for me.)
4. we're unattractive. (my counterargument: dismissed immediately. i'm no supermodel, but i'm no extreme makeover candidate either.)
5. we're too picky. (my counterargument: while i do have a "type" i'm generally attracted to, i have never been strict in my adherence to those guidelines. i'm willing to talk to just about anyone and even cave on my dealbreakers routinely.)
6. it's a matter of fate. (can't argue with fate.)
7. we're too cowardly to make the first move. (i always wait to be asked out.)
so there it is. either destiny wants me to be single for the time being, or i've got to sack up and start asking people out. for me though, i never know when the appropriate time to pose the question is. i don't want to ask out strangers, but you can't ask out a good friend either. i always miss the window. it always seems like it's too early or too late.
i think i'll just blame fate for now. my tingle will come.
posted by brett @ 8:09 PM
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