some background:
on the 25 of the third month that we know more commonly as march 25th, i met a man for drinks. via the internets, he and i had been chatting quite frequently for some time, and finally, i made the push (which is not something i normally do) for meeting in person. *insert "ugh" here* i hate that dating in the 21st century is more and more swiftly approaching synonymy with "...so i met this guy on friendster and...".
anyhow, we met for drinks, and everything went swimmingly. i had a good time. i was pretty sure he had a good time... i mean, hello, it was a date with me. right? right.
the next day, i sent the usual "i had a great time" email, as i am a charlotte and that's what we do. he wrote saying the same. i again wrote asking if he'd want to go out again in the future.
the emails stopped.
my neurosis started.
fast forward to this past saturday:
molly and i, having finished with the move from h-e-double hockey sticks, decided to get tanked. being that we now live in (and i really mean in, because seriously, girls, you can't get much more in than us) the gayborhood, we hit up a favorite haunt of ours, minibar.
literally, right before we left, i said, "gee, you know, i bet anything we'll see g.i.h.d.w. (guy i had drinks with... who molly pointed out looks uncannily like an old crush of mine from college). he goes to minibar a lot".
low and behold, we walk in, and there he is.
i wave. he nods. i start to turn back to molly and the bar, but he starts to walk over.
"ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit"
he goes in for a hug... or so i thought, because as he got closer i thought, "no, he's going in for a kiss, no, shut up, he can't be, give him a hug you crazy bitch"
molly later confirmed that she, too, thought he went in for a kiss.
we briefly chatted, then just as he was about to walk away, he says "oh, and i got your message."
that's it. nothing else. no further explanation. just that he got it.
"great. good," i said. he went back to his friends and i went back to molly with a truly confuddled look on my face.
not long after, the illustrious byron made a cameo, livening things up a bit. he was a delight, as always, and agreed that if all things work out, he'll be my date to molly's brother's wedding, as said brother has an undeniable mancrush on byron. i, on the other hand, just need to somehow incorporate myself into as much of the wedding drama as possible.
byron rejoins his friends, molly thinks it's time for us to move to another bar, and i decide i need some answers. i do, in fact, get quite brazen when intoxified.
i walk up to g.i.h.d.w.
"so... you got my message?"
"yeah."
"so... what does that mean? 'i got your message'. like what does that mean?"
"i was just really busy and didn't have a chance to write back."
"okay. but, yeah, so like what's your answer?" (yes, i do also become quite valley when intoxified.)
"... i would like to go out with you again."
"ok. good. great. that's all i needed to know."
"yeah, i mean..."
"no, no... i just needed to know, you know. that's all."
"okay."
"yeah, so... okay, so, yeah, we're leaving. good seeing you."
"you too." he definitely goes in for a hug... not a kiss.
now, it is tuesday. i still haven't heard from him.
wtf, g.i.h.d.w.! wtf, indeed.
oh, and molly said that he looked totally jealous and crazy when i was talking to byron. i mean, like what gives.
should i write him again? or call? or passive-aggressively text? friendster message? do nothing?
this is why i don't make the first move.
posted by brett @ 5:23 PM
5 Comments:
you have never...in the time that I have ever known you...said the word "gee". but that is pretty much how the night went (sans the "gee") and he was clearly in to you...but you don't need my analyzing as you can get it for free at home. x's and o's
I hate dating. Your story is exactly the reason why. I would like to skip the whole dating phase and dive right into marriage. Unfortunately, I sound like a crazy stalker freak when I say that. Sigh.
Please don't hate me for saying this but...
Although you probably already get the message, as the title of that book says, he's just not that into you. But rather than tell you he's not interested in pursuing anything further, he's avoiding it and assuming you'll "take the hint." You don't want to date someone like that. The inability to communicate the basic dating stuff is a warning sign. It's as if some guys think you're just supposed to read their minds or something. I don't know about you, but I never got the "psychic abilities upgrade package" when I received my Gay Membership Card (TM), complmentary free subscription to Details, and the toaster oven. And know it's not just a gaynoy thing. My hetero friends complain about it too, both male and female.
Welcome to Boystown, btw. I've been a resident since there were mostly just boys here (once... a long time ago... in a gay galaxy, far far away) instead of trixies and strollers and SUVs, oh my. But it's still a pretty good place to reside. And thanks for the blog linkage here, too.
1) you are so charlotte.
2)Illustrius is such a good word to describe me.
3) I did go in with a kiss, but only gave a hug and would have gone in for a hardcore sweaty man hump if I would have known it would have made him MORE jealous!
4) boo, you better than him. He's totally Trey and not Harry to your Charlotte.
Are you picking up, what I'm putting down?
don't bother. if he hasn't called by now, it's over, move on to the next dude.
making the first move is a completely different thing. you should always try to do it. i know this is not easy, i know firsthand, but try anyway. at some point, when you find the right one, all those humiliating times you got rebuffed will be worth it. :)
*hugs*
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