i have not died.
did you feel that? did you hear it?
the entire island nation of japan just let loose an incredible sigh of relief.
the japanese do love me ever-so. gashi, miuchi!
...so to get everyone up to speed, on friday, the doctor said, "everything looks good down there. looks really good. [odd head nod toward my crotch]" additionally, he determined that the itchy chest bump was just a simple skin irritation that should clear itself up in time. i determined this does little to nothing for the incessant desire to take a cheese grater to my teenage-girl-esque bosom. then again, who am i to argue with a licensed medical professional who compliments my genitalia? no one. that's who.
in other brett news, the death i had thought to be imminent has manifested itself as an inordinate amount of change in my life. thus, as i clearly have not died (or am simply writing from beyond the grave [oooooo, spooooooky ghost brett, ooooooooooo]), it could be argued that little parts of my life have died or passed on or simply gone away for the time being.
the least missed of these wayfarers would be my pasty-ass white skin. yep, homeboy got him some uv rays over the weekend, and color has never looked so good on me. mind you, i did have some bright red racing stripes down my legs for a day or so (and an awkwardly burnt left wrist [yeah, i don't know either]), but in the long run i'll balance this recently acquired stream of endless compliments against sarcoma anyday.
now, a welcome addition to the life of brett, my beard. yep. b-e-a-r-d. i've toyed around with the idea for awhile, and quite unknowingly, finally just did it. i never thought it would garner the positive attention it has, and that's a great feeling. people like my face hairy... though this hasn't been market tested in japan. eek!
more special guest stars - yes, oh, oh, oh, the boy department is looking up. while i have had a recent string of suitors knocking on my door (or more accurately texting the shit out of my phone), i don't really think any of them are right for the long haul... but as was once my nature, i've decided to just have some fun for the time being. somehow after college, i forgot that i did at times enjoy being single... and now seems like the perfect time for this new dog to learn some old tricks. or at least meet some new tricks. besides, a consistent booty call seems like the perfect accessory for summer '06.
and, yes, let's give another warm welcome to - and this may shock and amaze many of you to the same level it did me - the extra 4 pounds i have put on. mmmmhm. this fly m-fucker is packing them on. my weight has, for years, fluctuated between 135 and 145, but almost always (we're talking like 99% of the time) falls at 138 lbs. when i hopped on the scale at the good doctor's on friday, i almost peed (but i held it in because i hadn't given my sample yet [and peeing on demand is incredibly difficult for me]). 142! it said 142! i turned to the nurse in disbelief, but she just looked back at me, clearly unsure as to why i was so effing excited. i did a little jig. she still just stared at me. 4 pounds is enormous for me. i struggle to put on an ounce much less 64 of them. i think japan may have a new action hero on their hands.
arigoto, bitches!
posted by brett @ 4:40 PM
2 Comments:
Congrats on being alive still, the blogospere would be so sad and drab without you!
ooooo i thought your face looked more filled out...but attributed it to the hott beard! hmmm you make me laugh...and the Japanese...you make them laugh too.
Post a Comment
<< Home