he drinks a blog

i say this because i have now seen the same 2 infomercials more times than can possibly be necessary. i think it is safe to say i am now an expert on the internet treasure chest and the better sex guide video tape set.
the internet treasure chest, as i've learned, is the ugliness that has forever ruined ebay. it is responsible for those lovely web outlet stores that chock ebay full of 8 billion lots that are exactly the same. "oh, that set of steak knives has surpassed your maximum bid... well, allow me to show you one of my gatrillion other sets of the same steak knives. surely one of the auctions will end with you as the winning bidder." the best part of the infomercial is the man who cleared 1.7 million dollars in sales in one year. mind you, he only sold 1.7 million dollars worth of merchandise. they do not clarify to say how much he actually profitted that year. though, i must say that he just barely surpassed the 11 year old boy who runs his own internet-based business. he plans to use his income to build himself a game room. the boy says he saw the infomercial while staying up late during one summer vacation; the next day he ran to his dad to say, and i quote, "i want the internet treasure chest!" his dad apparently did not think the internet treasure chest was the adult entertainment site it sounds like and "telephoned right away".

the better sex guide video tape set is even better. the product, though i found it hard to figure this out from the semi-softcore porn/sunday night sex show infomercial, is a series of video tapes designed to instruct and inform its viewer on how to be a more satisfying and accomplished sexual lover. its infomercial is a piece of marketing genius. it airs at 5 am. it is full of beautiful women fawning over less-than-dashingly handsome men. it is about sex. it does everything short of having the tagline: "girls will lay you if you watch these videos". the guys behind this one knew exactly who their target audience was: the only people who'd be watching during their air time - sexually awkward, socially backward men. i almost wonder if they didn't develop the product after finding out what timeslot they'd secured.

i will soon post the website of my new online outlet store, the proceeds from which will be securing me techniques to score mad honies!

p.s. oh my god! i completely forgot to mention the woman who says "we've boughten a new van... and... and... it all wouldn't been possible without the internet treasure chest", then she does this strange little nod. kills me every time. "boughten"

posted by brett @ 8:22 AM