yesterday's heartattack came in the form of an email from 1800flowers.com...
it went a little something like this:
subject: shipping confirmation
(me: what the hell? i didn't order anything. what are they effing shipping?)
dear mr. drinksalot,
your order for 90 gabillionty pounds of chocolate has successfully been shipped.
(me: i didn't order any chocoloate. wtf, 1800flowers?)
the order should arrive today to:
the joseph highrise, snooty office building the loop
(me: WHAAAAAAAAAAT! oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no... heart. stopping. seriously!!!!!)
so yes, after a fraaaaaantic phone call to 1800flowers' customer service department, i learned that in october when i sent joe cookies for his birthday, i pre-ordered chocolate for valentine's day. allow me to repeat that. i pre-ordered chocolate for valentine's day.
i also learned there was no real way to prevent it from being delivered.
cue fraaaaantic email to the joseph. "um, well, so, yeah, um, well, you're getting chocolate from me today because i'm a stupid psycho fucktard who pre-ordered chocolate for valentine's day." pre. ordered. oh, and yes, pre-ordered and forgot about it.
- the internets is ruining project runway for me. effing spoilers are all over the place. i've already seen pictures from some of the fashion week runway shows, and just today, i quite accidentally read who the final guest judge is. boo, internets. boo! oh, and don't get me started on the human embodiment of the boogeyman, aka santino rice.
- i've been thinking a lot about middlesex today. there was a part of that book that talked about how our naming of emotions is insufficient in fully describing said emotion. that happy fails to fully explain the joy of seeing your firstborn child take its first steps while knowing you'll probably fail to even photograph this moment for your second child. well, the author's examples were better than mine, but maybe you can get the idea. anyhow, i've been feeling a lot of these sort of juxtaposed emotions lately. anxious contentment. angry fear. jealous sadness. and i would bore you with the longer more descriptive terms for my emotions, but... well... i don't want to.
- i have a job interview tomorrow which i am very very very very excited for. everyone keep their fingers crossed because after a day like today, i don't think i am capable of staying with my current employer... at least not without the aid of some horse, nay, elephant strength mood elevators. did you catch the pun?
- can someone explain to me how i have not yet purchased the hollywood issue of vanity fair? anyone? i mean, seriously. ugh.
- last night's grey's anatomy almost killed me. while admittedly, last week's episode was more exciting and a little better made in my opinion, there was something so emotionally tugging about last night's ep, at least for me. last week's episode was all loud and andrenalin and charged and... masculine. this one was quiet, trepidatious, listful and, well, feminine. the stark shots of meredith's face. the rehash of george's shower fantasy with the 3 women. and most importantly, meredith's chat with derek at the end. something about that exchange has stuck with me even into today. "i don't remember the last time we kissed," she says to him, as they stand staring at each other in her foyer. "i don't remember the last time we kissed... the last time we were happy." i don't remember the last time we kissed, either.
- molly and i are in the long process of trying to find a place to live next year. it's tough stuff, but it looks like we have some good prospects. sounds like we might be pulling a jeffersons and move on up.
- how i haven't mentioned this before now, i do not know. during my trying break-up with the joseph, i came out to my mom. i needed her advice, so i just had to fill her in on the whole situation. she's fine with it... which just saying that makes her somehow sound like she's not fine with it, but really she is. it's almost uneasing how non-climactic an event it was. not at all what i was preparing for all these years... and that's good i guess. molly and i have decided that my father also knows because l-dawg isn't known for her secret-keeping.
- i seriously need to clean out my buddy list. after and accidental im to some guy i used to know ages ago, i've determined that i remember people long after they've forgotten me. sometimes, it's just time to let go.
- as much as i'm really not ready to start dating again, i think i need to start dating again. it seems unfair to anyone i'd be going out with, but i know i won't get over joe until i meet someone who makes me stop thinking about joe and start thinking about us.
- if all goes according to schedule, i will be in champaign this weekend celebrating the birth of my bestest male friend in the world. he's 5 months older than me, and his birthday reminds us each year that this will always be the case. age before beauty and all that shit.
- i am yet to receive a black history month t-shirt as detailed in a previous post. what's up with you people? what's the point of this blog if it doesn't get me some cool free shit from time to time? huh? huh?!?
so black history month has been stalking me all week long.
it makes me very happy that february is the shortest month of the year.
...and wow, that sounded really racist.
but believe me when i tell you it has nothing to do with black people, and a lot to do with my neuroses. i don't like it when anything crops up again and again in my day-to-day. hilary duff, frozen yogurt, or the history of my darker-complected brothers and sisters. moderation, people. moderation.
anyhow, some highlights from my encounters with black history month thus far:
1. "watch it lady! it's black history month, and you're about to become history!" - me to the little black lady that darted out in front of the car after molly and i finally went to the taco bell... mmm, taco bell. on a sidenote: i was literally dying to try a crunchwrap supreme, and i must say, i was less than enthralled. the toasting of the outside tortilla leaves it a little too, well, toasted. back to doubledecker taco supremes for me. oh, though, i may try to convince them to smear some beans on a crunchwrap supreme to keep it all closed up and then not have it toasted. we'll see how that goes. believe me, i'll keep you posted. i know this is a very important issue for everyone involved here.
2. "well, how kind of you. though, i do suppose it is black history month, and i am a bit older than you." - a different little black lady to me after i gave her my seat on the train. not only did i feel that she was completely missing the point of black history month, but i also think she should have realized the seat was at the back of the train... but maybe that whole stigma only applies to buses.
3. "tonight? tonight i'm getting my hair done for tyrone's black history party." - overheard while waiting for the light to change at wilson and broadway. seriously, though?!? a black history month party? i didn't realize it was that kind of month.
4. just so we're all clear, i want one of these shirts as soon as humanly possible. i'm fond of latoya, tina, whitney, naomi, and mikey t. you know, all the divas. and btw, i wear a size xs in american apparel t-shirts. feel free to email me for my mailing address. thanks in advance.
5. "happy your history month!" - the crazy, aryan-looking woman dressed up as the statue of liberty to every black person who walked by her.
6. "happy february!" - the same crazy, aryan-looking woman dressed up as the statue of liberty to every not-black person who walked by her.
that's it so far, but we're only 3 days in... what wonders does the future hold?!?
-in a world full of boys in dark-rimmed glasses, i'm the one you'll remember
-i like beer
-sports don't scare me
-i can't win a boardgame to save my life
-i make lots of wonderful facial expressions
-i tend to flail
-dads like me; moms love me
-i'm great with names and faces
-four little words: "best wedding date ever"
the bad stuff:
-i have problems acting my age... you'd think i'm 29 not 24
-you better like the word "seriously"
-my friends are some tough competition
-i'm a mama's boy
-my impressions are horrible at best
-i tend to flail
-balancing my checkbook is a lost art, but i totally get physics
