[drum roll]
more gems of wit and splendor from the mothership
on a friday night:
[phone rings]
moi: hello.
madre: why are you home?
moi: what?
madre: it's friday. why are you home?
moi: i didn't feel much like going out.
madre: did you run out of body glitter again?
on some floundering male suitors:
moi: i don't know. they're just not right.
madre: what do you mean?
moi: well, like they have good jobs. they are successful. they like me. i'm just not crazy about them.
madre: so like you should like them, but you just don't?
moi: exactly.
madre: wow. that's a pain in the ass. well, in this case, i guess not, eh?
on my demanding pictures from our trip to vermont:
moi: why haven't you sent them to me yet?
madre: i keep forgetting.
moi: but i've reminded you several times. i really want them.
madre: i know. i know. i just think subconsciously i don't want you sitting around with your friends, making fun of my hair or my shoes.
on my beard: (i'm sure you can see where this one's going)
madre: so, what else is new with you?
moi: not too much... oh, so i've got a beard now.
madre: what? wait, what?
moi: i've got a beard now.
madre: you all still do those?
moi: i didn't know people had really stopped.
madre: so what's her name?
moi: huh? no, no, no... ma! like facial hair!
madre: oh, i thought you meant you'd gotten yourself a katie holmes.
on the mail for me that still comes to their house:
madre: so could you tell the post office that you don't live here anymore?
moi: well, i'm afraid if i forward my mail, they'll forward dad's, too. none of my mail has my middle initial on it.
madre: well, how about just the hrc and lambda legal stuff?
moi: sure, i can call them or something. why, though?
madre: i'm just tired of the mailman looking at me like i'm a sad, sad, foolish woman.
you're welcome!
posted by brett @ 2:38 PM
4 Comments:
i wish the mailman would stop looking at me like i am a "sad sad foolish woman"...so she can keep you damn mail! Oh Laurie-HOW I LOVE HER!
can we trade mom's? I'll gladly take yours!!! She sounds great!
Your mom sounds so Debbie Reynolds! (And I mean that as a compliment.)
Your mom is HYSTERICAL.
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