something happened at work today that totally disturbs me... even makes me a little mad. some guy tried to pick me up... like for a date, not like off the ground.
now, all the waiters and bartenders and strippers are getting huffy like these sorts of things should be expected, but really, not where i work. honestly, it'd be like hitting on the guy who does your taxes at h&r. you just don't do it.
job aside, everyone here knows students and staff are not to be fraternizing. like i'd risk my new job over some... well, let's get to that right now.
here's where i get a little snobby... or maybe i'm offended... i'm not sure.
so this guy is older... like in his late 30s (which is not uncommon for our student body as the culinary arts are often something people turn to later in life), but unfortunately for him, he's the bad kind of older. you see, i do have a reputation for preferring finely aged products, but it's the finely part that is most important. he's not terribly attractive, and by that, i mean he's not. he was short, i.e. too short, black, and had less-than-orthodontured teeth. furthermore, his game was hideous.
he came in, pretended to look at shit for like 15 minutes (moving the merchandise around clearly without an intention to buy anything), then comes sauntering up to the counter. he begins chitchatting about something or other, then says, "now that we know each other a little better, i'm gonna ask you something and you can tell me shut up or leave or get the hell out or hit me in my face or be quiet." (1. never a good way to start a convo with someone you intend to ask out 2. don't provide answers to the question... this is not the ACT 3. way to repeat 2 of my options for answers)
i say, "uh, ok."
and here's where it goes from bad to fugly.
he makes an attempt at suave and asks, "what's your preference?"
in my head, i say "YOU'VE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" see, for starters, i never saw this coming. i never ever ever ever would have pegged this guy as the guy who asks you to out yourself at work. for second string, i couldn't believe this was happening. i hate this sort of situation. do i lie and say straight so i don't have to look over my shoulder in the parking lot, or do i sack up and be myself.
so i played it coy to give myself a moment to think.
"preference in what?" i say, doing my best to flash the teeth and some naive looking eyes.
as evidence of how smooth he is, he says, "relationships".
in my head, i barfed.
sack is up.
"i'm gay," i said, already second-guessing my answer.
now, comes the part where i literally almost puked on myself... not just in my head.
"oh, really," he says, clearly thinking he's in like flynn, "well, you go up or down?"
now, i can only assume he meant to ask about t/b, but used up or down as euphemisms - ones i'm completely unfamiliar with. like for real, you don't even know my name. wtf.
instantly, i reply "that's none of your freaking business," and was really tempted to make a shooing motion to get him out of my sight.
"okay, okay, well you guys close at five, so maybe i'll catch you later, and you can answer my question then... you can stop sweating it now." he spews as he leaves.
i was dumbstruck. for a couple reasons.
1. do i really look so approachable that someone is comfortable asking me such questions in a professional setting? do i really look that gay?
2. did he really think i was gonna be like, "yeah, let's go hook up right now"? do i look that easy? do i really look that gay?
3. does he really think that i'm going to cave in a matter of hours and change my mind about this? did i not say it was none of his business? do i look that flippant? do i really look that gay?
4. the kicker: he then brushes it off as though i had been hoping he'd come over and talk to me. like i was wishin and hopin' and thinkin' and prayin'. does he think that really remedies the situation? did i look that sweaty or perspire-y? (damn, the gay thing doesn't work this time... unless i'm shirtless and dancing) do i really look that gay?
he really got under my skin. the whole thing just made me so uncomfortable. i don't like to think that i look like someone who would think his behavior was a-okay, and at first i wondered if it was only because he was unattractive. i do have the propensity to be quite the snob, but that wasn't it. he could have been anybody... josh wald, frodo baggins, your brother, even my current crush... and i'm pretty sure i'd still be hot and bothered. it's that to him, it was completely acceptable to put me in such an awkward position. we were not in a bar. we were not on the street. we were at my place of work, and i'm not a hooker... at least not at this intersection.
the audacity.
just think, somewhere, britney spears has a small person inside her... and i'm not talking about kevin.
i.f.o.t.d. - i'm afraid of chivalry because anytime someone closes a car door for somebody else, i think they're going to lop off their foot from the ankle down.
posted by brett @ 5:50 PM
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