in the past 3 1/2 months, i've said this with regard to joseph more than i care to admit.
...but honestly, i swear my boyfriend is not imaginary.
i'm too annoyed for him to be imaginary.
you see, i do not enjoy dating a phone call. i've done it already. one of my very first relationships with another boy was long distance. he and i are still working through the emotional backlog on that one. needless to say, it wasn't pretty.
...and needless to say, i'm not looking to date over the phone again.
of the 3 1/2 months that joseph and i have been "together" (for yes, it is a slight stretch of the word's meaning), he has spent a week in hawaii, 3 weeks in asia, 2 weeks at his parents' place, and now, the next 5 days in cabo. so yes, that's more or less 2 months of our 3 1/2 months together apart.
oh, but wait, it gets better. of the 1 1/2 months that we have actually spent in each other's company. a solid month of that was from the end of may to the end of june. as in, yes, the first month we knew each other and were a pseudo-item. so since the end of june, we've spent 2 weeks together. yep, since the end of june, i've spent 2 weeks with my "boyfriend".
this is ridiculous to me. sheer ridiculousness.
how do i know if i want to be in this relationship if i'm never really in it? can i really be seeing someone without actually seeing him? in a relationship as fresh as ours (or really in any relationship), shouldn't a majority of your time be spent together?
furthermore, it's showing no signs of letting up. our current problem is that joe doesn't live in chicago. he lives in arlington heights with his parents because he's in the process of locating and buying a condo. as luck would have it, his search isn't going so well. he said to me just the other day, "i think i could keep living here for a few more months... maybe i'll have better luck then."
if i don't fit into a schedule now, how am i ever going to compete with his job and his commute home to ma and pa?
how do i decide when to stop waiting? do i stick it out until september, october, november? can i really let this be what ends it?
i like him, but do i like him this much, and how can i really know the answer to that if i'm never around him?
p.s. i in no way want to make joe out to be the bad guy. for that first month we were together, he was always coming to me. driving down from evanston, training down from evanston, even cabbing down from evanston. he was a real peach. he also had just finished school and had no job or other responsibilities, but that's beside the point because the point is i'm not sure what i'm supposed to do.
posted by brett @ 2:52 PM
2 Comments:
b, i'm sure he would. in fact, i know he would.
...but it'd be awful hard for him to do so if he's in mexico or asia or arlington heights.
to answer jen, he is worth waiting for, if how we'd be together is how i think we'd be together. when we're together we're really good, but those times are so far and few between.
is being good for a few days every 2 or so weeks worth being apart all those other days?
well, i haven't broached the subject directly....
but i don't think it bothers him.
for instance, and oddly, i just mentioned this to molly last night, when monica died, he was my second phone call (molly being the first). i left town almost upon hearing the news. he was also my second phone call when i got back to chicago. not once did he ask if i wanted him to come over or offer to come over or say he was coming over. he did say that if i needed to talk, i could call.
i don't think being physically present is as important to him as it is to me.
needless to say, if he doesn't say something about wanting to see me when he gets back from cabo, i'm going to be miffed.
and either way, i'm bringing it up with him.
let's hope it goes well.
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