i give you america's #1 hot bachelor...
american idol, taylor hicks.
seriously?!? seriously. c'mon!
i mean, i understand that he's an eligible bachelor and one current focus of the public eye. america likes him and wants to know what he's doing. this i understand. what i do not understand is #1 and hot.
i mean, the man is at the top of the world right now. he's set, having won the biggest season of idol yet... but still. seriously?!? seriously. okay... maybe he's cute in that 29-year-old grandpa sort of way. not something i'm particularly attracted to, but according to roommate, old-25-year-old girls eat this shit up. whatevs, straighties... whatevs. that guy is not "hot". cute, maybe. endearing, perhaps. hot? never.
and it would appear that people is not wholly convinced of its decision either...
in this picture from the magazine, they're employing a tried and true strategy: throw enough hot girls at a guy, and someone is bound to think he's a hottie. taylor is also the only one of the "hot bachelors" to have company in his photos. all the others are solo. mmmhm. maybe people just needs to get off idol's cock.
and as further evidence of taylor's not-hotness and for your viewing pleasure, i provide you with two of the bachelors mr. hicks managed to beat out for the #1 slot. now these men are hot. fiery depths of hell, center of the fucking sun, tip of the jalapeno pepper, nuclear meltdown hot.
get the phone, because it's matthew mcconaughey phoning in his love (for me).
this man can play naked bongos on my ass and call me susan for all i care, as long as he keeps that accented voice that could induce labor and manages to continue looking this damn good. christ hanging on the cross, he's almost 40 and looks about 10 years younger than grandpa hicks.
where's hicks' gq cover? hmm. where is it? it doesn't exist. you know why? because he's not effing hot enough.
you know who is though...
jake "despite the fact that brett has an odd dislike for blue eyes, i'm so m-fucking hot because my recent decision to rock the scruff has allowed him to look past that" gyllenhaal.
uh, yeah. hi. let's move to boston and get gay-married.
i'd be his athletic supporter anyday.
oh, the life of a cableknit sweater.
i think it's safe to say he's not the only one who's wet.
oh, you coy little bitch. however, i do enjoy that he wears my promise ring to photoshoots.
[sigh]
now, if only that taylor hicks guy would look my way... i hear he's dreamy.
[barf]
you can thank me for the matt and jake pictures later.
posted by brett @ 10:02 AM
5 Comments:
i said he was cute...i didn't say he was hot...and i think that matty and jakeypoo are much hotter...but as I saw the today show interview i know that they picked him b/c of his "right time/right place" moment and not just b/c of his looks. But you are right, Matt and Jake are much better looking...and well..Matt and I are engaged so I have to think that!
for taylor hicks, there is no "right time/right place". furthermore, after the media whirlwind year that jake had, i think the "right time/right place" argument is much more fitting for him... brokeback has siginificantly changed our country's lexicon, while taylor hicks hasn't even significantly changed his hair color. plus, if they were smart, it's always better to put someone with a multi-sexuality pull on the cover.
Back in the day I went so far as to call People "My Bible". I have now lost all respect for the magazine that I held so dear to my heart for so many years.
No worries though Brett, I heard from an inside source that you received an honorable mention!
Matthew M has never done anything for me, but my boyfriendal unit shares your admiration.
Now, Jake G on the other hand... that is one. special. boy. I have no words.
Although I horrified myself by watching EVERY episode of Idol this season, I never once saw the Taylor Hicks appeal. Don't like his song choices, his singing style, his epileptic "dancing", his sartorial choices, or his stubborn decision to stay fat.
I do think that taylor has some charm, and I can see why people think he is cute; I definitely like the salt and pepper hair. But he ain't go NOTHING on Gyllenhaal, which, by the way, I am willing to either share or fight you for. He is so incredibly lovely, that I can barely even breathe when I think about how hot he is. Jake is great!
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