and what did i have for lunch today?
a big ole bowl of piping hot [i burnt my tongue] minestrone.
yep, i have a cold.
i'm sure there's some form of irony or literary device in there somewhere, but frankly, i'm too congested [shocking, considering my nose hasn't stopped running in 3 days] to be concerned with recalling high school english.
it's a nasty little bug, too.
symptoms: a running nose complete with electric green snot, a hacking cough with plenty of phlegm to mimic emphysema, sneezing that could rival both the dwarf and the smurf [did i mention the electric green snot?], a phantom fever in that i'm burning up but am not actually running a fever, an ever-present body-ache, a burnt tongue [it's a derivative symptom], and a hefty amount of disdain from my fellow commuters each morning.
while i'm currently sticking to a regimen of dayquil [read: nectar of the gods, oh sweet ambrosia] and fluids, here are some... more unconventional remedies the internets offered up without much coaxing:
- boiled chinese winter melon [sounds real tasty]
- rocky road, booze, and salt water cocaine [now, this is what i'm talking about...]
- larrea-shegoi, the mystical native american cure-all [can i take it with some fire water?]
- ganmaoling, some random chinese herb [like i have time to go pick some ganmaoling in the foothills of beijing... hello, i have a cold]
- a goldenseal and cayenne tincture and red pepper tea [tincture? honestly?!? tincture. like i know how to make an effing tincture... or for that matter how to make red pepper into a god-forsaken tea]
- sleeping with a yak [are yaks hung like horses?]
i kinda feel better already, just knowing that i don't have to take any of those.
...though i'm a little curious what salt water cocaine might do for my electric green snot.
posted by brett @ 11:41 AM
4 Comments:
TAKE THE C!! DANGIT! :-)
I'll bet it's those filthy new co-workers. They're CRAWLING with germs.
I had that about a month ago, and it took almost 3 weeks before I felt like I was able to function again. Good luck.
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