so much so that i have a really difficult time trying to describe it in words.
in the last few weeks, i have become terribly, almost painfully, aware of my life. i say that and don't even completely understand what it means... but it's the best description i can muster.
even chocolate has a bitterness to it.
i do not mean i am aware of my daily decisions or mistakes or regrets. it is not that all the inadequacies of my day-to-day have become glaringly obvious. this is not some self-pitying display of my shortcomings or the ways in which i could condemn myself for being a bad person.
none of this. it is not sad. it is not these things.
it's the grand scheme. the patterns. the missing love. the breathing in and out. the way i am. the way it is.
all of this.
i am in a personal dilemma - a dizzying spot of confusion and epiphany - and i am calm.
posted by brett @ 1:43 PM
8 Comments:
i hear this loud and clear.
the cool thing is it keeps happening, even as you get older.
=0)
Every time I start to become aware of my myslef and my surrounding, I just have a few more drinks. I find that solves the problems nicely.
This makes perfect sense to me. It's nice to see you flashing your human side.
I completely get what you are saying. It is disconcerting, but also really refreshing. Don't try to analyze it... just go with it!
They say a change is as good as a rest.
In the meantime, are you drinking enough, son?
Well at least you're calm : )
I find that denial is a GREAT tool for the continued goal of not dealing with my problems.
As so many people have said, drinking helps. So do one-night stands.
I, of course, a newcomer to this blog, but the author does not agree
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