growing up, i had no idea my parents were strange. no, i found this out much later in life. outside, it's doing that thing where it refuses to rain, but there's tons of lightning and thunder.
when i was younger, my mother explained this to my brother and i as the people in heaven having a huge roller-disco party. the lightning was light reflected off their huge disco ball making it down to us, and the thunder was people falling down and laughing because they were having so much fun.
if the thunder was really loud or frequent, my mom would point to some recent disaster in which many people had died and pass the storm off as their "welcome to heaven" party. she'd explain, "there's a lot of noise because it's a big party tonight, and so many of them are new to all the skating. the new people fall down a lot." for the longest time, when we were at church, i pictured heaven being quite synonymous with studio 54 and jesus in bellbottoms and rollerskates. for me, the death and resurrection of disco was no great shock.
i did, however, find my father wearing pants to be incredibly shocking. not too long ago, i was visiting the family and arrived at the homestead a little later than planned. i set foot within the house at approximately 7:32 pm. my father was wearing pants. i was dumbfounded.
for as long as i can remember, if it is after 6 o'clock in the evening, my father is in his underwear. to see him after the sun had retreated, wearing full-length pants of denim, was a true shock to my system.
i never considered myself a product of a "naked" house. my family was never naked. the presence of a stitch of clothing was mandated and enforced outside the shower. however, a stitch was all that was necessary. as long as all our "bits" were covered, it flew. this is to say, a pair of socks did not suffice, but a pair of white hanes did. thus, i now admit to being the product of a partially-nude house.
regardless, my father was wearing pants. the entire institutional fabric of my childhood had been frayed and stained. he should have been wearing boxers or briefs or that hideous pair of holey, threadbare shorts he is so fond of, but under no circumstance had he (or should he have) ever worn pants. my dad's refusal to wear pants after 6 was what kept my mother cooking for so many years. it was what prevented my family from seeing anything but matinees. his anti-pants stance guaranteed no evening masses, even on high holy days. the boxers, the briefs, and the shorts were the reason my family was never seen as a whole after dark.
he was wearing pants. i demanded we leave the house.
i told everyone we saw that night "this is my dad. he's wearing pants!"
molly's p.s. - the summer job we are both too familiar with has recently begun. my life as i once knew it has ended, as i must now acquiesce to the whims and needs of some 13,000 crazed students, parents, and guests. "skirts" is crazy as ever; she's still having kittens about every little thing, but i will admit that she has made progress in realizing she can't control everything. she actually says, "i can't control everything" right before attempting to do so. i think this is a huge step for her. i'm sure you'll agree. furthermore, i am once again in charge of undertaking tasks which in no way employ those skills i've acquired over my 4 years of experience with the office, while watching my subordinates receive challenging and rewarding work. while the work is mindless and pays fairly well, it is in no way helping me to find a career by august. in other news, the university officially hates me. in the past month, several offices have blatantly tried to prevent me from ever leaving. however, i remain victorious. fuck you, las; fuck you. outside academics and employment, everything is boring. i see minda and adam on a daily basis, and they send their love. i'm sure i'll talk to you soon and enjoy your travels throughout europe.
sweet jesus! it is hotter than hell in my apartment. our air conditioning broke, and somehow, there's no way to cool this joint down. the worst part is that it's actually hotter at night, which makes no fucking sense to me. furthermore, we're on the top floor of our building. i've never wanted to live in a basement more than right now. i am actually still awake because none of us can sleep for the heat. we have one fan that for some reason has become the nighttime private property of my roommate. luckily, i'm good at sweltering. i guess i'm a natural.
this past weekend was amazing. it was one of those weekends that you know, even while it's happening, that you'll remember it forever. i can replay in my mind nearly any moment at my whim. it was full of laughter and loveliness. it was so good that i don't care about the haircut i hate. that's pretty damn good in my book.
i'm blaming the heat for my lack of motivation regarding finals. i was assigned four take-home finals during the last week of classes. one was due today with the other three due by this friday. the kicker is that if i had just buckled down, i'd be done with my senior year; however, in my usual sadistic manner, i've decided to stretch this agony out for as long as possible. i'm sure thursday night will be a real treat, as i struggle to finish three take-home finals.
molly's p.s. - the only thing i can even think to tell you is that on saturday i made out with lauren. i have a picture of it. i'm pretty sure we took it thinking of you.
all day, i've been haunted by a song i can't pin down. it's something about a young girl and her not being a woman yet. no, it's not ms. spears' "not a girl, not yet a woman"; it's something else. it's an old song - soul or motown - and i know a man sings it. anyhow, the lyrics just keep floating in and out of my head with no context of music or order. furthermore, i can't place why it's that song and not "hey ya" or "roses" like most days. fucking outkast.
the trees on my block have really started to fill out. i keep having those little moments where it feels like the whole world stops for just one second, and nobody notices but you. it's almost out-of-body, but that's not really the best way to describe it. more like you're looking at a single frame of the film strip of your life. that moment stretches on seemingly forever, but really moves on as swiftly as all others. i try to get my mind to hold on to those moments; i want it to memorize absolutely everything about them - the most minute detail committed to memory - and i wonder if those are the times that flash before our eyes on the edge of death. not our wedding days or children's faces. no, those are not the things we need reminded of before we die. rather we desire the possibility to see that tree-lined street right as the sun glinted on the new leaves one more time or that sunny day on the beach at the exact moment the wind caught that woman's hat.
roses really smell like poo poo poo
molly's p.s. - i'm sorry i missed your phone call today. it made my evening. i knew i shouldn't have left my bag at the office when i went to nancy's send-off.
the following snippet from a conversation this evening quite aptly encapsulates my day: he drinks a lot: i just read so much into everything because it doesn't happen to me very often shimd0g: it = pursued by randoms? he drinks a lot: yeah, i guess he drinks a lot: well, randoms that i might be interested in he drinks a lot: i mean, i have asians after my ass every day he drinks a lot: but i'm not really looking for a relationship in manila shimd0g: lol shimd0g: why not he drinks a lot: hmm... the job market there is so unstable shimd0g: u could be on kathy lee's assembly line he drinks a lot: i'm too old
first things first -
he drinks a lot: i just read so much into everything because it doesn't happen to me very often shimd0g: it = pursued by randoms? he drinks a lot: yeah, i guess he drinks a lot: well, randoms that i might be interested in
i have been thinking over the stuff that's been going on the last couple of days or weeks. i think i've made such a big deal about something really insignificant. i apologize for that. like i said, i read so much more intent into things than is really there becaue i'm so unfamiliar with that happening. i get really excited and anxious and happy and kinda stupid when it does happen, and that can make you think and see and hear things that aren't real. any time i think someone might be slightly interested in me and i might be interested back, i totally become, for lack of a better word, love-retarded.
it's a very specific form of retardation.
next - he drinks a lot: i mean, i have asians after my ass every day he drinks a lot: but i'm not really looking for a relationship in manila apparently, all my problems would be solved if i moved to asia. everyday, i log into friendster and have new messages from people in manila, beijing, kyoto, etc., etc. all these people want to be my friend, but unfortunately for them, i'm not very good at the whole penpal/long distance thing. i asked around about my asian appeal, and a friend of mine pointed out that i'm very western (well, western-looking at least). now, i don't look like a cowboy or anything, clearly, but i guess i am very ameropean in appearance. this is very big in asia, or so i am told. my friend suggested i move to japan where upon disembarking my plane i would be offered a record deal singing japanese pop songs that have lyrics like "elvis convertible, blue jeans on fire". i would be an instant sensation and make millions and millions of yen. i'm currently pricing flights to tokyo.
furthermore -
shimd0g: why not he drinks a lot: hmm... the job market there is so unstable shimd0g: u could be on kathy lee's assembly line he drinks a lot: i'm too old
tonight, i realized just how close graduation is, and i got strangely sad. i've been so ready to leave school, that i forgot i'm leaving school. i went to dinner with 2 coworkers and our replacements for next year. we were talking about their responsibilities, and it suddenly hit me that soon enough those wouldn't be mine anymore. my job would be someone else's. this same thing applied to a lot of other things, too. my apartment would be someone else's. i won't live there anymore or ever again. my friends that will still be here would be someone else's as well. all the time we spent together would be filled in by someone else. i'm going to miss so much of what i had here. i didn't have that same feeling when i left home to come here. leaving home for college was a relief. sure, i miss my family, but i (and i hate saying this) never really missed my friends or school or job that i had there. i was ready to leave those things behind. i'm not really ready to leave behind the things i have here. luckily, i won't be leaving right away. for the first time in a long time, i was actually really happy that i didn't have a job yet.
the resumes, however, are still flying out at a rapid pace.
molly's p.s.- yesterday, i saw mean girls. now, i'm sure you don't really know what that is, as you're in italy, but all you need to know is that lindsay lohan is in it. now, you know how long i've loved her. forever. i must admit, though, that recently my love has mutated into a slightly unhealthy obsession. i've read almost every inch of her official website and am surely soon to move onto fansites. www.llrocks.com has become an integral part of my daily life, and it hasn't been updated in months. the highlight of my day was discovering that lindsay was born several years and one day after me. i'm july 1, and she's july 2. one day, she will be my celebrity best friend. right after i make it big in japan.
there must be something in the air of my apartment. some strange gas that fucks with your mind. my roommate and i both had very strange dreams last night. mine mostly involved me illegally or mistakenly acquiring small sums of money - i never got more than $25. his dreams revolved almost entirely around group discussions of 30 or so people, all of them looking like rejected carnies and sideshow acts from the local fair or circus. we talked them over this morning on the couch while watching the oxygen network.
i should have known better than to go to sleep, though, because the day was marked by oddity before i went to bed in the early am. in an earlier post, i commented on someone that took the time to hunt me down and contact me, only to leave me with all the responsibility of communication. well, last night, he started a conversation between us for the second time. both times have been in the last week or so. normally, i wouldn't complain. afterall, i kinda liked the kid, but now, i'm confused about what's going on. he's in a "relationship" - i put it in quotes because i don't know how serious they are - and we only have a week of school left. he's not spending his summer in c-u and is spending a month or something in europe. now is not the time to attempt to build a long-lasting friendship. maybe i'm being cynical or negative, but i don't see the reason for the sudden urge to get to know me. i make it sound as though i don't enjoy talking to him, but it's one of those situations where in the end, i'm the one left feeling somehow cheated. he leaves, for europe, with a boyfriend at home and a job waiting in chicago, while i stay put with nothing changing. i hate looking out for myself first, but i have to.
i only wish we had met earlier.
molly's p.s. - the school year is winding down at a breakneck pace, and i haven't done nearly all the things i feel i should have. that checklist in the back of the i-book is not nearly complete. though, i suppose i have my summer to finish off a few more. i ate cheese fries with minda at white ho last night. strangely, it made me think of you. it felt like one of those times that you would have been there for. oh, adam saw k. plunk at legends gettin' tipsy. apparently, it's that time of year when the f-bomb drops frequently from her mouth at work.
-in a world full of boys in dark-rimmed glasses, i'm the one you'll remember
-i like beer
-sports don't scare me
-i can't win a boardgame to save my life
-i make lots of wonderful facial expressions
-i tend to flail
-dads like me; moms love me
-i'm great with names and faces
-four little words: "best wedding date ever"
the bad stuff:
-i have problems acting my age... you'd think i'm 29 not 24
-you better like the word "seriously"
-my friends are some tough competition
-i'm a mama's boy
-my impressions are horrible at best
-i tend to flail
-balancing my checkbook is a lost art, but i totally get physics
