hedrinksalot, the blog

Monday, October 31, 2005

today is probably my favorite holiday.

for me, there's something so very cathartic about dressing up in costume and being something else for a day.

however, this year, i haven't felt very festive.

it's just been a little off.

on saturday, while downing beers at the north end, i was asked, "so what're you supposed to be?" as he eyeballed my jeans and sweater combo with a pair of sneakers and some dark-rimmed specs.

my response: "your one-night stand, if you're lucky."

yes, joe was there.
yes, he thought it was funny.
no, i wasn't actually that guy's one-night stand.

today, at work, we had a "haunted pot luck"... yes, i agree that is the, like, stupidest name for our get-together ever. there was nothing haunting about it... other than the bean dip, perhaps.

anyhow, we got goodie bags from our printing company, and in mine, i found the most disturbing candy item i have ever been treated to on halloween.

they're called "gummy fangs", and while i'm certain that they are supposed to be a gelatin mock-up of vampire fangs... they more strongly resemble the vagina dentata.

if you're not familiar with that one, i suggest you google it.
it's sure to be disturbing.

tonight, i'm going to go to the halsted halloween parade. i might wear a costume, though i have no idea what i would dress as.

maybe i'll just hit dollar drinks at hydrate early and be a "drunk mess".

then again, i'm that every time i'm at hydrate.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

a little bit of scary coincidence via molly:

brett is a very fun guy!

Monday, October 24, 2005

some 20 hours of transit and many too many dollars later, my great, gay vacay has come to an end.

things i want to talk about from my trip:

-the many identities i assumed throughout the trip
-boston is london
-drew's former roommate is a book thief
-where did all the celebrities go?
-the pros and cons (mostly cons) of dating a clam
-mouth sores & their suckiness
-why i need a professional papparazzo
-i am a scarf person
-moreso, i am a shoe person
-lazy tourism
-being the youngest lush at the last hurrah
-dutchies and frenchies
-working a room of drag queens
-the couple you could forever double-date with
-gifts for your family away from home

...but much more importantly than all of this...

is madonna.

yes, children, unkie brett was at roxy on saturday, as in the night that madonna danced around on the roxy's stage in a lovely blue dress with some fantabulous 70s hair.

i wouldn't say she performed.

i wouldn't say i cared.

it was fucking madonna.

at 2 a.m., the very moment she took the stage, i became instant besties with the guy next to me. we were jumping and screaming at each other like we were teenage girls who managed to be the 11th callers on some radio show winning them tickets to meet n.k.o.t.b.

only gayer.

i mean seriously, i made this guy lift me up on his back so i could see her better, and so i could yell at her. i was literally screaming "MADONNA! MADONNA!" like what, she was gonna look over and say, "oh, brett, let me adopt you and give you lots of pretties." yeah... anyhow, then i offered to let him climb up on me, but honestly, like that was ever going to work. i'm sure i stuck a chuck taylor in his face. i'm sure he didn't care... as long as it didn't block madonna.

and as soon as it had started, it was over. she was gone. so was my new best friend. i was left with only the memories of our brief relationship... and the guy who lifted me up so it could all happen.

i miss you already, madge.

this shit just doesn't happen in chicago.

oh, and because i'm a technological retard, my camera phone only has pictures of the floor and of some very bright white blob.

though, i'm certain perez hilton and pink is the new blog both have some pictures for your viewing pleasure.

Friday, October 14, 2005

today, i leave for vacay.

i'm spending two weekends in nyc to visit drewpie.

and the week in between will be spent in boston with the boy.

i'm pretty sure this makes us official business.

i'll try to post while on my adventures, but i'm not making any promises.

xox

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

let's all go get studied together!

it'll be fun!

tommy, can you hear me?

do you think he knows how much i love him?
can he feel it?

swooooooon.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

i am defeated.

i'm battleworn, downtrodden, and emotionally unstable.

i simply do not know what this job market wants from me.

today, i got rejected by another job, and i really don't know that my sanity can take being sent back to square one yet again.

i'm literally going to lose it.

i am held together by willpower and a prayer.

here's to crying at work... again.

Monday, October 10, 2005

i've been doing really good lately about eating well - something my mother has always been on my case about because, let's be honest, i look like an albino kenyan.

regardless, as of late, i have made a conscious effort to ingest that which is best for the bod.

i've even started eating breakfast... weeeell, an honest attempt at eating breakfast. see, breakfast in the morning makes me ill, but i know that my body needs it, so i eat a small snack and some vitamin infused water in the morning on my way to work. if i'm feeling overly zealous or daring, i'll toss in a crazy bagel with some cream cheese... but let's not go nuts, here.

my typical lunch consists of a clif builder's bar in yummy double chocolate or oh-so-tasty cookies 'n' cream. i swear to g_d, these bars honestly taste good. none of that chewy, tear-it-off-itself-by-shaking-your-head-like-a-dog-playing-tug-of-war powerbar shit. they're crispy and chewy and actually taste like chocolate. a+.

i also have a bottle of water, some cottage cheese, a scoop of peanuts, a hefty salad, a handful of raisins, and when they have the right kind, some yogurt.

today, i had a banana with my lunch. yes, i ate a banana in public. yes, this gay man ate a banana in public. and i did so without any sort of irony.

the man at the table across from me was visibly excited.

i think i may have to work a banana into my daily diet.

p.s. i had the most wonderful sex sunday late morning/early afternoon, and you didn't. it's okay to hate me a little bit.

Friday, October 07, 2005

if i met you after i moved to chicago, i no longer have your phone number.

my baby fell to bits a few days ago, and since, has been replaced with a sleeker, blacker model.

so, if you want me to call you or want me to answer when you call, i suggest you email me your digits or im them to me or snail mail them to me or relay them by pigeon or send them to sven to send to me or concentrate really hard and send the vibes my way.

get in my phonetang, bitches!

p.s. did you see that vh1 is putting bai ling on tv? wonderful!

i don't normally like to post these sorts of things...

but i found this slightly sad.

How to make a brett

Ingredients:
1 part pride
5 parts ambition
3 parts beauty

Method:
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add sadness to taste! Do not overindulge!

try it.

i don't like my recipe.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

last night, molly and i determined that not only am i gay...

i'm really gay.

like reeeeeeeally gay.

"how," you might ask, "did you come to this startling yet uneasily true revelation?"

well, needless to say, it involved bravo, the nation's most favorite of gay-friendly major network step-sisters.

last night, molly and i watched "great things about being... queer".

sure, the show was basically reclaiming at its best. you know, how feminists reclaimed cunt. well, it's the same idea. only now it's about fags and disco and all that other limp-wristed fabulousness.

not only did i hoot and holller at pretty much every entry on the list... but i usually announced what said entry was before the narrator revealed it to the audience.

"oh, it's showtunes, molly... it's great to be gay because you can looooooove showtunes!" i proclaimed.
"oh my god, you are soooo gay!" retorted the mols.
"...and the #12 great thing about being queer... showtunes!" added the narrator.
"told ya," i bragged... then thought twice about what i was bragging about.... (damn, i am really gay.)

anyhow, some highlights, though i'm not sure where they ranked on the list per bravo:
-lesbians look great on tv
-scaring straight people
-"mommy dearest"
-you have the best names (in reference to gay bars and drag queens)
-disco (because as, i believe, frank decaro put it, "who wouldn't want to go to funkytown?")
-you have great real estate (or something like that)

and my personal favorite:
-you invented everything

if you have an hour, and this is on tv, i think you'll enjoy it.

oh, and in case you were wondering, cher is #1.

clearly, the show was more about queers of the gay persuasion than the lesbianic...

but, c'mon, it was on bravo... not hgtv.

Monday, October 03, 2005

so friday, i got last minute tickets for joe and i to see wicked for his birthday.

the homosexual that he is, he's been wanting to see the show for a very long time but was never able to get tickets.

enter super boyfriend to save the day.

yes, jackasses, i would be super boyfriend.

regardless, he loved it.

though i'm not sure he loved it as much as drunk molly's rendition of "popular", as performed at the addison redline stop.

anyhow, i thought i'd share some photos and captions from our evening at the theater...

for an evening at the theater, i thought, "why not something fancy and dazzling? you don't keep your man by wearing sweatpants."

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

considering what show we were seeing, i thought it best to travel by bubble:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

at the theater, i had a helluva time finding a place to park my bubble, so i asked a sickly looking janitor if she knew of a nearby garage:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

once the parking thing worked itself out, i decided my ball gown was a bit much for the theater, so i changed into something more comfortable... and with a sassy little handbag!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

after changing, a nice, little old lady wearing way too much makeup and strangely reminiscent of blanche from "the golden girls" was nice enough to direct me to our seats, and she complimented my beret to boot. loved her!
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

we get to our seats, and what do i find, but that damned, ill janitor sitting in my chair. i told her what was what, and that bitch got to steppin':

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

as she walked away all long faced and pukey, i told the surrounding audience members not to cry for me because the truth was i had always loved them; they hooted and hollered:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com