in quiet anticipation of a trip to key west in february, i purchased 5 new swimsuits - one for each day i thought we'd be there.
now, one week after being de-coupled, the suits have all arrived.
each one tinged with memories we never created.
the navy blue, low cut trunk reminds me of that first day on the beach. of our reacquaintance with the smell of sunscreen. of how we'd only stop holding hands long enough for me to turn the page of "the time traveler's wife". of how we'd stare out at the water, as blue as this suit, and then look at each other... so happy to be taking our first real trip together.
the brown, floral-printed pair of boardshorts reminds me of that second day when we explored the streets of key west. of renting bikes to ride to the southernmost point of the continental united states. of standing on the pier and watching the infamous key west sunset.
the black and royal blue retro cut trunk reminds me of that day we went snorkeling. of how we'd mouth messages to each other under the water. of how we'd hide from one another behind the seaweed and seagrass... giddy to catch a glimpse of the tip of a flipper or the trail of bubbles spewing from a hidden snorkel.
the red, andrew christian fitted-trunk reminds me of the night we swam under the stars. of being surrounded by the shimmery blackness of the ocean at night. of losing all bearing on the world. of how it didn't matter because his face was the only compass i'd ever needed.
the black, brazilian cut, short-short trunk reminds me of our last day in that false paradise. of not knowing how to deal with that feeling... that feeling of loss and confusion. of fearing where it would go from here or how it goes back to normal. of thinking how badly i wanted to just keep it just like this forever. of wanting the world to stop spinning. of needing nothing to change. of hoping it never would.
i've tried each one on. felt each memory and remembered everything.
...and i wish he could have these memories. know those moments.
i don't think he'll ever know them with me.
and i don't think i'll ever wear them again.
posted by brett @ 5:18 PM
2 Comments:
i'm sorry too, brett....
Brett, I am so sorry to hear that! I say suits, and flaunt them on the hot beaches in Chi-town this Summer. The best revenge will be to make better memories with a hotter guy!
hugs,
Matt
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